For you intrepid readers who saw my last blog entry, you might notice a theme of physical ailments and my whining complaints that accompanying them. My hope is you can have a giggle at my expense. Personal pain as inspiration for writing; not a new concept at all.
Ten ways to effectively break your back…’cuz I know you were wondering.
- Edge the 1/4 acre lawn with nothing but a Fiskars flat-bladed shovel.
- Haul sod away that you’ve just cut from aforementioned lawn.
- Cut approximately 500 lbs. of your neighbors grape vines that have invaded your yard out of your bamboo and mock orange bush.
- Haul away said grape vines.
- Wage a never-ending battle with the oxalis (not the cute kind, the vicious weed kind with tendrils that snake all over and a root system more complex than a redwood tree) that grows anywhere bare dirt is showing in your 1/4 yard. (Notice I said my lawn was 1/4 acre, and now it’s my whole yard. Suspicious).
- Power-wash driveway that has about 50 years of moss and grime imbedded in the concrete, then go on to power-wash the deck as well.
- Pull up your entire flagstone walkway and paths in order to get rid of the solid mats of grass growing between, using your Fiskars flat-blade shovel.
- Put flagstones back in place and fill in with 500 lbs. of decomposed granite.
- Sand the kick-plate for your French doors so they will open and close easily, then discover that does nothing to make the doors swing better, so Youtube how to fix doors and struggle with the damn things until you’re about to shatter them with the hammer you’ve brought into the mix as a way to maybe pound the freaking thing into submission. This isn’t really back-breaking per se, but the stress causes shoulders to climb and tighten into hard rocks.
- Maybe I should have listed this as #1. Get your house ready to put on the market.