Living in the “after”

I am living in the days after my best-friend /companion /confidant/ lover/ soulmate/ husband left his wrecked body behind, and moved into the the afterlife, joining his father and others he loved who had gone on before him.

Its an unbelievable, unreal place to be–living without his shining eyes, his smile, even his pain and suffering, which there was a lot of these last months. Instead of writing on a novel this morning, I was writing his obituary. Instead of going to a doctor’s appointment with him today, I will be going to a funeral home.

How can something seemingly small–the passing of one spirit–change the entire world?

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9 thoughts on “Living in the “after”

  1. Mara, I love you. There really aren’t any words…I have no idea how upside down your world is, but I am here, listening to your words and crying with you. Sending you so much love and light.

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  2. My dear Mara,
    I send my deepest condolences and warmest wishes to you and your family. Allie says that he is sad (remembering Ryland).
    Love anne

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  3. My family met the Zamora family when they first moved to lake Oswego. They lived 1 street over from us. Our parents & us kids all became friends quit quickly if I remember correctly. I have many fond memories of Alex. We went from Elementary school through high school together. After that we lost touch until Facebook came around. It was nice to get back in touch w/ him & see how his family was doing. Mara I think we met many years ago. I just want to say I am so very sorry for your loss. Alex was.such a sweet & kind hearted guy who will be greatly missed. For your boys too I am so very sorry. I know what its like to lose a parent way before their time.

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  4. Alex became part of my family because he and my son were best friends from the moment they met- probably in kindergarten. And my son was part of his family too. Alex made the world a better place. He will be missed so much.

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  5. We are all better people because at some point in our lives, Alex became our friend. I knew Alex since before I can remember, it was probably our first day of school at Lake Grove Elementary. I can’t think of a time in my youth until 1984 when I moved to Alaska that we weren’t best friends or ever apart. Even after I moved away, Alex was still one of my most fond of friends. I visited a couple of times throughout adulthood and it seemed as though we had never said goodbye. My heart aches for the loss of Alex in this life, and I am thankful, blessed and grateful for the opportunity to have known him. My most sincere condolences to you, your children and all the other family that grieve at this time. I know he is in a much better place with his father and all those that have passed that will love and guide him on the other side. I know he will be there with open arms to welcome us when we meet again just as he did every time here in this life.

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  6. Dearest Mara,

    My heart aches for you and your boys. I’m trying to imagine how drastically your life has changed. I applaud your courage in sharing your feelings with us. I love you.

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  7. How can something seemingly small–the passing of one spirit–change the entire world?

    Because love is a verb. And your new normal is just revealing itself.

    Big gigantic hugs, honey. My heart breaks for you and the boys, Mara. Keep writing. Keep loving. Let others help you with the stupid stuff that you don’t need or want to focus on right now. Grief takes a village and we’re here for you.

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